Sirius is the brightest star in the galaxy. For me, this is where the heart beats, and where the emotions are felt (like the Cups in tarot). I made this bright, sparkling ‘box’ at a vulnerable time in my life, when I was thinking about the psychological wounds we carry with us. The emotions they evoke. What should we do with our scars? We can’t ignore them, but do we need to keep rubbing them?

I have two physical scars on each of my hands (Jesus-like) that also remind me of an emotional wounding. My father once helped a friend of his who was having a heart attack; he got him to a hospital. This man had a son, the Other Boy. I remember playing with this boy when we were young, and he suddenly ran away from me. I realised then that he didn’t want to play with me. I was shocked, and I didn’t want to accept it. How can you run away, I thought, when my father saved your father’s life? How can you not like me?

So, I chased after him… but he was older, taller and faster. I tripped down some stairs. My hands fell onto broken glass, cutting into my skin. Then the Other Boy stopped, and came back to help me.

I got the attention I thought I wanted, but it was false. Forced. I know now that chasing the Other Boy is not a good idea for anyone. Whatever we’re looking for is in us, not someone else. I know that it can often be painful to love ourselves – it can be excruciating to confront our faults and weaknesses – but we must try. (Some people physically cut themselves rather than dealing with what haunts them.) When you learn to accept yourself, you will find that you won’t need to pursue anyone. People will stay.

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Photography: Russel Smith / Text: Jonathan Bain