As I built this ‘box’, people said things like ‘you must have a theme’ and ‘don’t overdo it’. And I thought fuck it, and did whatever I wanted. Seeds. Skulls. A scorpion. That little coke bottle. Different religious icons jostling together. I can’t explain it… I felt a need to deliberately shock (myself). Perhaps that’s the message, then: don’t be afraid to be foolish. In tarot, the Fool steps over a cliff – in an act of crazy courage? – but it’s only the fool who gets to mock the king.

Here, it’s me who is mocking the king. I am saying Jesus is the fool. Should I be judged for this ‘blasphemy’? Surely, if we are made in the image of God and we are fools, then God is a fool, too? The depiction of Jesus in this piece has him holding up two fingers: symbolically, this means he is both fully human and fully divine. He is the light, but not without shadow.

The little green gnome eraser towards the bottom left is part of my shadow. When I was in standard six, I sat behind a boy in school named Leon. I wanted to masturbate with him, but he refused. One day, this eraser fell off his table, and I picked it up and said it was mine. He reported me to the mevrou, but I told her that Leon was lying. She believed me, and I have kept it all this time. Poor Leon! Foolish me!

We all have a little green gnome in our pasts. We can choose to judge ourselves, and feel worthless. But I choose to see that my life has huge meaning. Breathing itself is a form of prayer.

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Photography: Russel Smith / Text: Jonathan Bain